What Your Penis and The Rolling Stones Have in Common

Let’s get something straight from the beginning: sex is not a performance, and your penis is not the star of a one-man show. Yet, many men become fixated on erections, framing any difficulties as “performance problems”—as if sex were a test to pass or fail. That mindset reflects a long-standing (and outdated) idea that men are the sole “deliverers” of sex. It’s time to rewrite that script.

First, the basics. Aging naturally brings changes to your body, and one change is a decrease in testosterone. This hormone plays a big role in libido, arousal, firmness of erections, staying power, and ejaculation. So, it’s perfectly normal for erections to shift as testosterone levels decline. In fact, over 60% of men over age 60 experience some degree of erectile dysfunction. It's not a personal failure—it’s biology.

But biology isn’t the only factor. When erections are unpredictable, performance anxiety can creep in. The fear of not being able to get or keep an erection can hijack your biggest sex organ: your brain. And the anxiety just makes things worse, creating a vicious cycle that can erode sexual confidence and self-esteem. So now what? The purpose of this blog is not to give  biological advice (if you feel you need that, please speak to your doctor), I’m here to tell you that bodies change and that’s OK. What comes next can be as equally rewarding as what came before. It will just be different.

Here's the good news: this is not the end of your sex life. It’s time to change your mindset, adjust your sexual activities, and redefine what “sex” means to you. This is your opportunity to expand your sexual repertoire, broaden your sexual techniques, and explore new sexual activities. Instead of focusing on penetrative intercourse, elevate what you probably considered the warm up act in your younger days, and make that the main event. Remember: the Rolling Stones were once some other band’s opening act, and now nobody complains when they play all night.

Does your kissing or oral sex game need a few upgrades? Are there erogenous zones you’ve neglected? I’m talking about on your body, and your partner’s. Nipples, necks, earlobes, and even toes would welcome attention. Don’t forget to communicate to your partner. They don’t know you like your neck kissed unless you tell them. Explore the use of sex toys or tools to add fresh dimensions to your experiences. Whether you’re with a partner or flying solo, you don’t need penetration to experience orgasm—or deep pleasure. Your hands and mouth have power. Use them creatively.

And if you're with a female partner, here's something important to know: fewer than 20% of women orgasm from penetration alone. That’s right—those movie scenes are pure fiction. Plus, as women age, they too experience diminished hormones and body changes. Vaginal dryness and thinning of the vaginal walls can make intercourse uncomfortable. She might be more than happy to shift the focus away from penetration to sexual activities that bring her more pleasure and comfort.

My research on people over age 60 found that what truly matters for great sex isn’t penetration. In fact, only 50% said it was important, and that number declines with age. What does matter? Feeling desire (94%) and being totally absorbed in the moment (86%). Those are the real markers of fulfilling sexual connection and emotional intimacy, not penis performance.

Sex is—and always should be—about connection, joy, intimacy, and pleasure. Aging doesn’t close the door on any of those things. In fact, it opens up new ways to explore them. So, ditch the idea of “performance,” embrace creativity, and remember that sex should always be exciting and fun at any age!

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