Say It Out Loud: Talking About Sex at Any Age (Without Blushing)

If you're feeling a little uncomfortable about bringing up the topic of sex with your partner — whether you've been together for decades or just met someone special — congratulations: you're normal. Talking about sex can feel like trying to assemble IKEA furniture without instructions. Awkward, confusing, and there’s a chance someone may end up mad.

But here’s the thing: talking about sex actually gets more important as we age, not less. Our bodies change, our desires change, and if we don’t talk about it, misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and unnecessary dry spells (pun very much intended) can sneak in. Research shows that couples who communicate about sex tend to have stronger, more satisfying relationships than those who avoid talking about the subject (Psychology Today).

Why It's Important to Talk About Sex

Look, nobody is a mind reader. Sexual needs and desires evolve over time — because of health changes, medication side effects, stress, or just getting older. Without open dialogue, partners — whether new or old — might start making wild guesses about each other’s feelings... and they’re usually wrong (Verywell Mind).

There may be a number of concerns about your sexual life that quietly or loudly nag at you, and would improve by talking about them directly with your partner. Your libidos may have become mismatched and you would like more frequent sexual activity. You might feel that your partner is in a rush when trying to stimulate you and needs to be reminded that your body is older, and it takes longer to get your motor running. You might want more cuddling and affection outside of the bedroom from your partner. You may feel embarrassed by an unpredictable erection, and you don’t want your partner to feel disappointed. Maybe you’re in the early stage of dating someone and want to know about their sexual health and STI risk. Whatever the concern, talking about it is guaranteed to be more effective than relying on your partner to be a mind reader. And better than suffering in silence instead of talking about your concern.

Good communication clears up assumptions, builds trust, and reminds you both: hey, we’re in this together.

Strategies for Effective (Sexual) Communication

1. Pick Your Moment Bringing up "why haven’t we had sex lately" right after someone burns the potatoes is not ideal. Choose a neutral, relaxed time when you’re both calm. Like during a walk. Or while sharing a dessert you both swore you wouldn’t order (Psychology Today).

2. Use "I" Statements It’s tempting to start with "You never..." but trust me: nothing good follows those two words. Instead, frame it with your own feelings: "I feel closer when we talk openly about intimacy." This approach keeps the conversation from turning into a drama with each of you defending yourselves instead of talking to each other (Heights Family Counseling).

3. Be Specific (and Keep It Positive) "Everything’s fine" is code for "I have a whole internal monologue brewing." Instead, try: "I really liked when you kissed me like that the other night. Can we try that again?" (Psychology Today).

4. Listen. Actually Listen Don’t take the stance of just waiting for your turn to talk (even though you have some truly excellent points). Listen. Ask. Get curious. It shows respect — and often leads to way better outcomes (Psychology Today).

5. Get Backup If Needed If conversations stall out or feel too vulnerable, there’s no shame in getting help. Therapists specializing in sexual health can be amazing navigators for tough topics — whether you’re in a long-term relationship or just starting something new (SD Relationship Place).

Sexual Communication Isn’t About “Fixing” — It’s About Growing

No matter your relationship status — married, partnered, dating, or happily figuring it all out — honest conversations about sex are part of building closeness. Aging changes things, but the importance of honest communication always remains first and foremost.

By keeping the conversation open (and yes, sometimes hilarious), you will keep your connection alive.

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