Ladies, Great Orgasms Never Retire….Even If You Have

Does finding your orgasm feel like waiting for Stairway to Heaven to finally end? Welcome to sex and aging where your body plays by new rules, but the game is far from over. Orgasms are not as easy, often, or intense as they once were. Nothing is wrong with you. It’s simply time to relearn and reorient your sexual self. Getting older doesn’t mean the end to orgasms, it just means your body and sexual responses have changed.

Let’s explore the who, what, and why of orgasms and more importantly, how to make yours better than ever. What’s going on with your body as you get older and how does that affect your orgasms? Why does an orgasm feel so good? The Who is simply You. Your orgasms. Your rules.

WHY ARE ORGASMS MORE ELUSIVE NOW?

One of the biggest downsides in getting older is hormonal changes and specifically the decrease in estrogen. You might not have realized that estrogen was the miracle hormone that kept your skin firm, your libido high, your vagina naturally lubricated, and your clitoris nerve endings ultra-sensitive.

The clitoris is the #1 reason for orgasm. That six-inch internal organ, not just the small external nub, is your pleasure center packed with over 9,000 nerve endings that tingle to the touch (or at least they used to). It’s the only organ in the human body whose sole purpose is to bring pleasure. Over time, it just needs a little more coaxing to fully wake up.

As estrogen and testosterone levels drop, many body parts involved in sexual function are affected. (Fun fact: both women and men have estrogen and testosterone, just in opposite balances.) When our hormone levels diminish, so do libido and blood flow to the genital area.

Since blood flow is the nourishment for your vagina, its reduction causes vaginal changes: the walls become thinner, and dryness occurs due to less natural lubrication. As a result, intercourse may become painful, as the friction and rubbing against thinner tissues can cause microscopic tears. And yes, the nerve endings in your clitoris, that vitally important orgasmic organ, lose much of their sensitivity.

So maybe it’s time to thank your hormones for the wonderful things they did all those years.

WHAT IS AN ORGASM, ANYWAY?

You might not care about the science of an orgasm, you just know it feels incredible. But indulge the researcher in me for a moment.

An orgasm is a powerful neurovascular response. Basically, stimulation (rubbing, touching, licking, for example) starts a chain reaction where your nerves, blood vessels, muscles, and brain chemicals perform in perfect harmony.  (Remember that word, stimulation, because it’s the key to orgasms when you get older.)

 Rhythmic contractions of the pelvic floor begin, dopamine spikes, and oxytocin and endorphins flood your body. Dopamine is the “feel good” hormone, oxytocin is the “love hormone” that fosters bonding and trust, and endorphins are the “happy hormones.”

With all this going on, it’s no wonder an orgasm is such a climatic feel-good event.

THE WHO OF ORGASMS IS YOU

YOUR ORGASMS. YOUR RULES

TIPS FOR BETTER ORGASMS AT YOUR AGE

ZERO IN ON THE SWEET SPOT

Only one in five women of any age orgasms from penetration (sorry fellas!), so don’t expect that to be your answer. As sensitivity decreases with age, directly focused and intense clitoral stimulation becomes crucial.

Vibrators (AKA “orgasm tools”) with different speeds and intensities are ideal for stimulating the clitoris and increasing blood flow to your genitals. You can position the vibrator in the exact spot for the greatest effect. Oral sex, touching, rubbing, and stroking the clitoris also increase blood flow and arousal. Remember, blood engorged organs are essential to sexual pleasure. As we age, better orgasms require waking up those 9,000 clitoral nerve endings with strong vibrations. Just hum the Beach Boys Good Vibrations!

LUBE, LUBE, AND MORE LUBE 

Getting older may have made you wiser, but it also made your vagina drier. You need lube and lots of it for arousal and more comfortable sex. Your vagina doesn’t self-lubricate like it used to, so not using lube can result in irritation, tears, and painful sex. If you want better orgasms, you must use lube. Another lube benefit is it will also make your genitals more erotically sensitive.

Water-based lubes are gentle, but don’t last as long and will need reapplication. Silicone lubes are waterproof and longer lasting but can damage silicone toys. Oil-based lubes are messy and increase UTI risk. Brands like Tabu, Womaness, Wicked Sensual Simply Timeless design lubes specifically for mature bodies.

If you hate the shock of a cold lube, treat yourself to a lotion warmer for your nightstand. Here’s one of many available from Amazon: link. For better orgasms, lube is your BFF.

KEEP IT COOL

Keeping the temperature of your room cool and comfortable helps you focus on arousal. You don’t want to overheat while things are getting steamy. Consider a fan, glass of water or a bowl of ice nearby to stay cool.

PATIENCE: PLAN AT LEAST 30 MINUTES FOR AROUSAL

Arousal takes longer as we age, so plan for it.  Schedule “sex dates” with yourself or your partner and put them on the calendar. You need to set aside at least 30 minutes for uninterrupted touching, rubbing, and direct stimulation to get your motor running.  Be patient and don’t rush because getting older means sexual arousal, like everything else, takes longer. Rushing will kill arousal and any chance of orgasm.

SKIP THE PRE-SEX WINE

A glass of wine used to help you relax and get in the mood. But now, alcohol can dull your nerve endings and make orgasms more elusive. Instead of wine before sex, save it for after the fireworks to celebrate your incredible orgasms.

SLEEP YOUR WAY TO BETTER ORGASMS

Sleep is sexy! You probably never thought about sleep as instrumental for orgasms. Better sleep and being well rested improves sexual desire and function. One study found that women who slept less than 5 hours were more likely to have sexual dysfunction.  Turns out, a secret to mind blowing orgasms is a good night’s sleep. Who knew?

MOVE YOUR BODY

Of course, exercise helps you lose weight, firms up muscles, and improves your body confidence, all good things. Did you know that exercise also boosts blood flow to your genitals and can lead to better orgasms? Start walking, dancing or moving.

TRY YOGA

No, I’m not suggesting you have sex during yoga (unless that’s your thing). Yoga and meditation reduce stress and anxiety and teach mindfulness and staying present. Yoga’s breathwork and mindfulness transcend to sex and can amplify your sensations and deepen your orgasms.

NO SEX AFTER EATING

Remember as a child being told the “no swimming right after eating” rule? A similar rule applies here too. Now it’s no eating before sex. You want blood flowing to your genitals, not your digestive system. So, pleasure first, pasta later.

CHECK YOUR MEDS

Some medications affect sexual response. Blood pressure meds and antidepressants, especially SSRIs, can delay or prevent orgasms. The new weight loss drugs like Ozempic, Monjaro, and Wegovy, while bringing incredible results have also been found to decrease orgasms for some. Talk to your doctor about alternatives. It’s up to you to bring it up because most doctors don’t ask older patients about their sex life.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Sex and aging is about learning your body’s new map: what you like and don’t like, what works and doesn’t work, and what your pleasure points are NOW. These may be completely different than when you were younger. Explore new positions, angles, toys and techniques for orgasms better than ever.

Rediscover. Reawaken. And make Carole King’s I Feel the Earth Move your new theme song!

Remember: Your Orgasm. Your Rules.

Image Source: Canva