Great Sex, Quickie Sex, Good Enough Sex, Shar Pei Sex: What Kind of Sex Are You Having After 60?

When it comes to sex and aging, one thing is certain: there’s no such thing as a “one-size-fits-all” experience. Our bodies change, our hormones shift, and our joints ache, so it’s no surprise that our sex lives need a few adjustments too. As we age, body parts can become unpredictable. What feels great today might not feel the same tomorrow. Sure, we might not have the stamina of our 20s or pull off our favorite acrobatic sex moves anymore, but that doesn’t mean the fun is over. In fact, like a fine wine, sex can get even better with age.

Sometimes you’re having mind-blowing great sex. Sometimes it’s quick and to the point. And sometimes, it’s simply “good enough sex” (a term borrowed from psychotherapy, not me). The good news? The best sex is the sex you’re having whether partnered or solo. Every kind of intimacy brings connection, joy, and maybe a few giggles along the way.

Let’s break it down with a little humor, some real-life stories, and practical tips for keeping your sex life satisfying at every stage.

Great Sex: The Kind That Leaves You Breathless (in a Good Way)

The common stereotype is that any sex among older adults must be unfulfilling or riddled with problems because of their aging bodies. That’s simply not true. My research found that 30% of adults over 60 rate their sexual experiences as “great sex,” and another 45% rate it “good sex.”

With age comes body awareness, confidence, and freedom. You’re less self-conscious and more willing to ask for what you want. And you’re more likely to laugh than panic if you need to change a sexual position because of a creaky joint.

I’ve talked with countless older women who can’t stop gushing about the incredible sex they’re having. During a radio interview this summer, a woman in her 60s called in to say she’s enjoying the best sex of her life, because she finally stopped caring what her thighs or back fat look like. She’s too busy having fun.

At a Sex and Aging Symposium last week, I met Patti Thiel, who was absolutely glowing as she told me about the amazing sex she’s having with an old college friend she recently reconnected with. She even wrote a book about it, Losing My Widow Virginity!

Great sex at this age may move at a slower pace, but the fireworks are just as magical and often more satisfying than ever.

Tips to make Great Sex even better:

• Focus on arousal, not performance: Touching, kissing, and massage aren’t just “foreplay.” They can be the main event. Great sex at this age is less about acrobatics (and penetration) and more about connection and satisfaction.  Solo Advice: Don’t forget to take your time, enjoy the physical sensations and don’t get caught up on the grand finish.

  
  

• Communicate openly: Your body has changed and so has your partner’s if you have one. Talk about it. Nothing kills the mood faster than guessing games. Solo Advice: Communicate with yourself and know your body and your pleasure points. They can evolve and shift as we age.

  
  

• Check your meds: A friend of mine finally asked her doctor why her libido had vanished. Turns out her blood pressure meds were to blame. A small adjustment later, and she was back in business. Don’t be shy about asking your doctor because most won’t bring up sex unless you do.

  
  

Quickie Sex (Senior Style): Fast, Focused, and Fulfilling

“Senior Quickie Sex” might sound like an oxymoron, but it’s really about adaptation and connection. Sometimes you’re in the mood, but you’ve only got 20 minutes before the grandkids show up. Or maybe your energy level just isn’t up for a sexual marathon anymore.

Enter Quickie Sex, Senior Edition. It could be a steamy shower together, a short massage, or a playful encounter that doesn’t even require full arousal. It’s about connection and is quick, simple, focused, and satisfying.

Tips to make Senior Quickie Sex better:

• Keep it playful: Quick doesn’t mean boring. A kiss, a touch, or a whispered fantasy can make it fun. Solo Advice: …and so can a vibrator.

  
  

• Make it comfortable: If fatigue or pain limits you, a quickie is a smart, energy-saving option. Think of it as a short “intimacy interval.”

  
  

• Stay flexible: Sometimes a spark turns into a flame later. Solo Advice: If the mood strikes you, go for it. There are many health benefits to orgasms and sometimes it’s fun to pause what you’re watching on Netflix and take a little me time.

  
  

Good Enough Sex: A Realistic and Rewarding Goal

Newsflash: Not every sexual experience has to be life-changing. That’s true at 65 as much as it was at 35.

“Good enough sex” is the unsung hero of intimacy. It might not be mind-blowing, but it brings closeness, touch, and reassurance. We often chase the fantasy of “Great Sex” and feel disappointed when it’s not fireworks every time. But therapists often remind couples: aim for Good Enough Sex and adjust your sexpectations.

Good enough sex is a sign of a healthy, realistic relationship with your body and your partner (if you have one). In many long-term relationships, it’s what sustains the bond. For many older adults, this steady, reliable intimacy feels just right.

A reader once told me that she and her husband’s favorite ritual is lying naked together on Sunday mornings, drinking coffee in bed. Was it wild, movie-scene sex? No. But was it deeply satisfying? Absolutely. That’s Good Enough Sex and it can be the glue that keeps long-term relationships happy.

Tips to make Good Enough Sex better:

• Expand your definition of sex: Hand-holding, oral sex, mutual massage, or simple cuddling can be deeply satisfying. Solo Advice: Say it with me: masturbation is sex.

  
  

• Adjust your “sexpectations”: Good enough sex is successful sex because intimacy doesn’t need to be perfect to be meaningful. Not every sexual experience will be life changing, but it can still be pleasurable and good. Solo Advice: Not every orgasm has to be an earth-shattering production. Sometimes it’s enough to just have an orgasm.

  
  

• Stay curious: Trying something new, like a toy, a position, a fantasy, can turn “good enough” into “pretty great.”

  
  

Shar Pei Sex: A Little Wrinkled, but Still Wonderful

Wondering what “Shar Pei Sex” is? It’s a playful nod to the adorably wrinkled dog and an affectionate metaphor for sex and aging. It celebrates the reality that our bodies have shifted shape, added folds, and developed some new curves over the years. Things might not be as taut as they used to be, but you’re still getting it on!

Maybe you avoid mirrors now, or maybe you just laugh when you catch sight of yourself in a particularly creative position. (True story: A friend once got stuck in a half–reverse-cowgirl situation, couldn’t untwist her knee, and had to ask her partner to get the heating pad before they could finish. Romantic? Maybe not. Memorable? Absolutely!)

Sex later in life might be a little rumpled, a little creaky, and not as smooth as before but it’s still deeply satisfying and fun. Wrinkles and joint noises don’t mean it’s over; they just mean you’re human. This stage is about embracing your body, not apologizing for it.

Tips to make Shar Pei Sex better:

• Pillows are your new best friend: Pillows and wedges can make all the difference. (Yes, sex wedges exist—but a pile of throw pillows works just fine, and you can nap afterward.) Solo Advice: Guess what? This applies too. You’re welcome.

  
  

• Make friends with lube: Vaginal dryness is common with age. Lube isn’t optional—it’s essential.

  
  

• Warm up with stretching: A few gentle stretches before sex can keep things moving and help you avoid that post-coital call to the chiropractor.

  
  

Final Thought: The Best Sex Is the Sex You’re Having

Whatever kind of sex you’re having, if it leaves you smiling, laughing, and feeling connected to yourself, your body, and/or your partner, it’s the right kind.

So keep going. Keep laughing. Keep exploring.

Sex doesn’t have an expiration date. It’s exciting and fun at any age!

(Image Source: Canva)