Ask Dr. Janie: How to Get Your Missing Orgasm Back

Dear Dr. Janie,

I am an 84-year-old woman and I enjoy masturbating. I usually have amazing results with great releases. I use coconut oil and it feels smooth and silky on my clitoris, which helps me orgasm.

For the last two days, I have not been able to orgasm whatsoever. I am confused because I usually have very large, hot and satisfying releases. What do I need and what should I do to get my orgasms back? I appreciate your response.

Worried Wanda

Dear Wanda,

First, don't panic. Two days without an orgasm does not mean your orgasms have packed their bags and moved to Florida.

And let me applaud you for masturbating at 84! You clearly know what you enjoy, and you are a terrific reminder that sexual pleasure doesn't have an expiration date—and neither does your orgasm.

There are lots of reasons an orgasm can occasionally become elusive. Stress, distractions, dehydration, lack of sleep, changes in health or medications and even simply needing a different kind of stimulation can affect our ability to reach orgasm. That doesn’t mean orgasms are off the table. It just can mean your body wants a little more warm-up time or firmer pressure.

If this continues or becomes a recurring problem, I'd suggest talking with your healthcare provider and reviewing any recent changes in your health. Certain medications, especially antidepressants and blood pressure meds, are known to interfere with orgasms. So, if you’ve started or switched one recently, mention that to your provider.

But for now, let's not assume anything is wrong. Your orgasms may simply be being a little difficult.

Here are five things I'd try.

1. Create a Place of Serenity

Your brain plays an important role in sexual response, so give it a chance to settle down. Turn down the lights, put away the clutter, silence your phone or, better yet, leave it in another room.

Put on some relaxing, sexy music. I'm voting for Marvin Gaye or Barry White. You can also engage your other senses with something you enjoy. A little taste of chocolate, perhaps.

The goal isn't to create a perfect romantic scene. It's simply to get your brain out of “What do I need to do today?” mode and into “This feels good” mode.

And try not to put pressure on yourself to orgasm. Worrying about whether you're going to orgasm can become its own distraction and create a vicious circle.

2. Touch Yourself Everywhere…Almost

Don't rush straight to your clitoris.

Spend some time exploring the rest of your body. Close your eyes and let your fingers wander. Rub your neck, run your fingertips along your sides, caress your breasts, massage your thighs or touch wherever feels pleasurable.

Think of it as the warm-up act, giving your body time to become aroused and your mind time to focus on sensation rather than the outcome.

Don't be in a hurry to get to your clitoris. Taking your time can build anticipation and arousal, especially if things are moving a little slower these days.

3. Experiment With Your Lubricant

You mentioned coconut oil feels especially smooth and silky. If it feels good and doesn't cause irritation, plain coconut oil is fine to use externally. Just stop if you notice irritation, burning or a rash, since “natural” doesn’t automatically mean “better” for everyone’s skin.

You might also want to try a good water- or silicone-based lubricant and see whether your body responds differently. This matters more than ever if your tissue has become a bit more sensitive with age.

And if you like the sensation of warmth, warm a small amount of oil between your hands first before applying it. Warm, not hot. We’re aiming for orgasm, not sautéing dinner.

4. Change the Routine

Here's something important, Wanda: sometimes your body simply wants something different.

The stimulation that worked beautifully yesterday may not work today. That’s not a malfunction, that’s being human. Our bodies aren't always predictable and that's part of the fun.

Try changing the pressure, speed, position, lubrication or warm up time. If you normally use your hand, try a vibrator. If you already use a vibrator, try a different setting.

5. Reach for a Toy

If you don't already use a vibrator, this might be the perfect time to experiment.

A vibrator delivers a different, often more direct type of stimulation, which can be especially helpful if age-related changes have made your usual touch feel less intense than it used to. Start with something simple and comfortable and experiment with what feels good.

You can find vibrators at many drugstores, grocery stores, big-box retailers and online.

And one final thought...

Wanda, two orgasm-free days do not mean your orgasmic life is over.

Your body may simply be asking for a little more time, attention or experimentation.

Relax. Breathe. Take your time. Enjoy the journey rather than chasing the finish line.

And if you don't orgasm? You can still have a wonderfully pleasurable experience.

And when all else fails, put on the Pointer Sisters singing “Slow Hand” and see if you can convince your body to get the message.

Dr. Janie

(Image Source: Canva)

Disclaimer: The advice provided in this column is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the guidance of a licensed medical professional for any health-related concerns or questions.